the farthest thing from fucking up was sliding down and upping chuck here we have linquent mootzart strimming frimma tree strimming earthly tewrds the nibble stroaning for a glee here we have the lumpent sue a qualid wally muff who dons all day upon the loof and hardly lifts a tuft normbus nation that we stride in flimmrin’ brandicoot the cash all spent in sacred stride from sea to polished boot irk and furbished circumstance furby, furking urp please just leave me do your dance. I’m stuck. told me: evan this is nonsense told me: stuff is runk tried to say this niftiness is blankness playing bunk. Sure, we have our caveats or divets, our divides we once divert in sinfulness sip sugared cyanide yeah, the longfelt loneliness we whimper deep we cry hold it all within our souls the thickness of our hide. NORFT! the crump fucked dibblington the ever branging-scoot the little tykes on three wheelers the pigeons blarping poop the dweebs, the dicks, the dumbellinas swigging sweet champagne the wispy witted narrow nose kids asking for more pain. the stroller pushing lulemoms kids, don’t know their luck this we offer to you for three seam encrusted bucks.
San Francisco, CA.
I was having dinner with Nick the other night - Korean Mexican fusion. After his revelatory mushroom trip at Burning Man four years prior, Nick had recognized a spiritual side of himself that demanded answers. Nick wasn't used to having questions that can't easily be answered with a Google query. So he had turned to me.
I don't have all the answers. What I have are some ideas about the nature of consciousness, things I have gathered from various teachers: plants, books, people, dreams - things that feel true to me.
Nick was nodding along to my explanations until he asked, "So like, do you think it's possible for people like us, in tech, to achieve enlightenment? Instead of giving everything up and becoming monks, can't we build conscious businesses?"
When he asked this, I knew that I would have some tough explaining to do - tech bro to tech bro.
"No," I replied, "I don't think we can be more spiritual by building certain types of businesses. In fact I think it will be difficult for most of us here in San Francisco to become very spiritually realized."
I saw his eyes light up with indignation. The idea that spiritual mastery wasn't one more metric that could be optimized according to a known best practice was abhorrent to him. He was offended at the idea that he was spiritually disadvantaged because of his other life ambitions.
What I meant to say was that there's a difference between a penniless monk meditating on a mountainside and a Yale grad growing her user base so that she can save the world and also buy a Tesla. And yet there's also something they share. The techie can have moments when she catches a glimpse of unconditioned consciousness just as the monk, though perhaps not with as much ease or frequency.
"I'm sorry I said that. I want to explain to you, step by step, how I understand the nature of the self. I will even offer my best estimation of what happens to us when we die. And, I'm going to do all of that using a physics metaphor."
"So, metaphysics?" Nick suggested.
"Yes. I guess so. We can call it that." I pulled out a pen and drew something on my napkin.
"That looks like a pendulum." said Nick.
"Yes, that's what it is, and it's also you, me and everyone else in the world. On a spiritual level this is what we all look like."
"How do you mean?"
"That entire thing, from the ball at the end of the string, all the way up to the fulcrum it swings from, that's you. The part of you that's up there at the fulcrum is the part that's shared with everyone else- we are all swinging from this same central point and it's a part of all of us. At that level, there's no difference between me or you, or even that bottle of Sriracha over there."
Nick looked puzzled.
"Well, there is something that makes you uniquely yourself - that's what the ball represents. That ball is your ego, and it's the part of you that lives your life, experiencing things day to day. This conscious experience is represented by the ball's motion as the pendulum swings."
Nick was bothered by a missing detail in my metaphor. "With the pendulum in physics, gravity is the force that keeps it swinging. The ball and the string don't just swing on their own, it's the transformation of kinetic energy to gravitational potential energy and back that makes it go back and forth. Without gravity it wouldn't work."
I thought about it for a second and realized that there was a fitting equivalent for gravity in the pendulum metaphor, "For us, the forces that stand in for gravitation are our attachments. But it's not just a single attachment pulling down on us the way gravity does on earth. Each of the things we are attached to pull us in a different direction with varying degrees of force. The net of all these different forces is a pull much like gravity. It's that force that holds us apart from the fulcrum." I added to my drawing.
"This separation is what gives us our identity as individuals, but it's also the thing that creates the conditions for this endless swinging of the pendulum. As we move along this trajectory based on our desires, we are building up a sort of karmic potential energy, and at some point we'll have to swing back the other way. All that Buddhist stuff about how life experience is illusory, and attachments lead to suffering, this is what they are talking about. As long as we are stuck in that back and forth cycle, every joy will have it's pain and so forth."
"So, how do we ever make any progress?"
"The big trick we seem to be playing on ourselves is that as our pendulum swings, it feels like progress, but the only way we can actually change our trajectory is if we change our relationship to our attachments. To understand this let's add one more detail to the pendulum: the string is elastic, like a rubber band. So, the less force there is pulling the ball away from the fulcrum, the shorter the string will become."
Nick was starting to get excited. "If we can become less attached to things, it allows our ego to move closer to enlightenment! But what if I'm attached to something good, like meditation - how can you say that's pulling me away from the fulcrum?"
"That's a really good point. Attachments don't all pull us in the same direction. So relative to where we are, there are things we can attach ourselves to that will pull us closer to the fulcrum. It could be a person we love, a practice, or a particular teaching."
"So, would you say there are good and bad attachments?"
"They are only good or bad relative to other attachments that effect you. If you had shed most of your ego attachments, you would be pulled very close to the fulcrum, and the same practice that helped you get there could now be an attachment pulling you away from it."
"Ok fair enough, But why is getting towards that fulcrum such an important goal?" Nick wondered.
"You have to assume that the spiritual practice is about reaching that place. When we are there, we have this capacity for a kind of infinite empathy, a stillness and peace. Once you get a taste of what that feels like, you understand why trying to be that way more often, or even permanently, feels like a valuable goal." I sat back in my chair for a moment to contemplate. I still had a pile of chicken and rice on one side of my plate.
Nick had long since finished his dinner. He seemed concerned, "But if we are always swinging around, we're away from the fulcrum. How is it that we ever even get a taste of enlightenment?"
"Don't forget that there's a part of you that's connected to the fulcrum at all times. The issue is that even though you have a root in this peaceful realm, you don't actually feel that peace most of the time because your consciousness primarily resides in the swinging ball. However, even as our pendulum swings, there are points when it reaches the top of its arc, and the forces that move it cancel out. At that moment, the ball is still, just like the fulcrum, and the kind of intense presence that characterizes unconditioned consciousness can be felt."
Nick nodded, "Wow, yeah. I think that might have been what I experience during my mushroom trip. I can also see how for someone with less attachments, their pendulum would be swinging on a shorter arc, and they might have those glimpses more frequently," he seemed happy with this outcome. "But there's something else you mentioned earlier that I still want you to explain. How does the pendulum explain what happens when we die?"
"Not to seem morbid," I responded, "But this is my favorite part of the pendulum metaphor. I should mention to you that my understanding of what happens when we die is influenced by Buddhism. In that sense I see there being two potential outcomes of death, the most common one being that we reincarnate, and the other being that we break the cycle by recognizing and remaining within the realm of unconditioned consciousness.
"Here's how it fits into the pendulum. In a paradigm where we must learn to detach, death is the ultimate teacher. Whether we like it or not, it will pry every last bit of ego and attachment out of our clenched fingers. So imagine what would happen to the pendulum if you suddenly released all the forces that were holding the ball away from the fulcrum. Remember - the string is elastic."
"It would go flying in towards the the fulcrum, like when you let go of a slingshot," Nick replied.
"Yeah, exactly, and the further stretched away from the fulcrum it is in the moment when that tension is released, the faster it's going to fly inwards. That momentum will take us right where we want to be, and then some. We might see the light at the end of the tunnel, get there, and then before we realize what is going on, we've refracted back out the other side of it into the rainbow of colors that make up phenomenal existence. In other words - we've reincarnated." I tried to illustrate this on the napkin.
"That sounds... awesome. So you believe in reincarnation."
"Yes - that's what I think happens most of the time. And it's beautiful! Each of us is a unique prism that the pure light of being hits and dazzles out into all these artful manifestations. It's hard not to get attached to those manifestations. But even in their beauty and uniqueness, they represent yet another set of conditions for the cyclical swinging of the pendulum."
"So is the goal to not be reincarnated?"
"The goal is to recognize when you are passing through the realm of unconditioned consciousness, and just stay there. The more attached you are in life, the more violently you are going to be plunging through this realm, and the less of a chance you'd have to recognize it for what it is, and stay in it.
"Being willing to detach is as useful in the process of death as it is in life. As you are dying, the more you can allow yourself to surrender to the crumbling of attachments, the more slowly and peacefully you'll make your entry into the unconditioned, and the less likely you'll be to have the escape velocity that would send you out into another lifetime."
"It's just a theory. I mean who really knows what happens when we die or what it feels like," I concluded.
"I'm glad you told me about the pendulum," Nick smiled firmly, "It helps me visualize one way how it could work."
"Yeah, but try not to get too attached to it," I smirked as I crumpled the napkin.
This poem was nearly lost to an incident of careless rm-ing, and after resuscitation through a hacky python script from the deep binary gzip of the chrome cache, it was never the same again. While the poem was on the 'other side', the machine had its way with it, applying its own reductive logic to the piece. The end result is an undead collaboration of human and machine. Ctrl-F for specific companies. for those who have never been to a demo day at YCombinator it goes something like this get off at the shoreline exit down 101 south make the left and before Sports Page make the right, park, climb a flight it starts to get nerve wracking vicarious-style because founders are wheeling and starting to wile in a crowd full of chatter, and badges and muttering crazy eyed hopefuls readying themselves for their big three minutes. and then the bell rings a loud prerecorded voice repeatedly declares: THE PROGRAM IS ABOUT TO BEGIN PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS but by now I'm already in 4 conversations and 3 out of 4 of them testing my patience, see those cool dudes: Alexis, Garry, Harjeet a head nod to Sam on the way to my seat Pass grinning Qasar, and calming Kat, waiting for Nick Cortes. The hell is he at? we begin. for the founders - it's their big moment for the crowd, a trial of stamina and focus to listen to one hundred three minute pitches before your brain melts or your piss in your britches. a lap top flips open a poet starts to write and goofy Nick Cortes does too, on my right. Qasar takes the stage. He begins with a thanks. Now presenting the latest recruits in our ranks: did you know - USAliens spend nearly one hundred billion dollars yearly to join into union beloved so dearly with boom in new grooms this market is clearly ripe for disruption or some CRM so here comes the Joy. wait and see how it ends. Or maybe, you're just along for the ride for some car-bitrage. that's why some Indians buy, then rent cars to the tune of a milli a year. JustRide with it, soon the self drives will be here. what's been the same since 1936? hint: it goes in a vag (and no, it's not dicks) answer: a tampon. and enter here flex the tampon, that let's you... drumroll please. still have sex. looks like a black livestrong filled with saran mvp doesn't quite keep the jam in the can. have you ever felt bored, when you're 6 miles up with dry eyes and 3 cubes of ice in your cup? as you hurdle from London to Prague or Milan piercing heavens and nimbus, and started to yawn? was the screen in the seat with some crappy TV not helping you forget that you still have to pee? Well with SkyLights, your tedious, sky sprinting days will be filled with VR. Are you not entertained? you might remember Casper by Neil Parikh they'll ship you a mattress in less than a week? well imagine the same thing... except for: a couch and watch them Burrow sofa king deep in your pouch. X-Berts is a funny name and they work with other funny name companies like Haier. I guess... this is where heartbroken Ernie got hired. The founder of ConstructVR is a poet. he says if you are as excited about vr we are wearing black dress pants and a navy blue t-shirt it virtual so no more cables see what in the galaxy it will enable. ok now next up i'm applauding yc for taking some strides towards deversity. we all know coder probably a white dude true that these stereo types can be rude. dev color help support retain coders who supply new flavor of brains. exponent founder was big at fb looks like he'll take it ^ the next level to me. this is fabric. but not that you wear it's more of a when what weaves into your where maps out photos moments in time from the ex-facebook hackers brought you timeline only three hipsters in matching black rims would new york chef-types trust to deliver artisan lobsters pasta truffles galore found at nobu to be sure you're not poor. an iris in bloom is a wedding dress frill or dazzling nova around a pupil or.. collision avoidance. industrial drones. lovely. don't think they'll have many clones. cool founding team jackets put steph curry on screen their algo identifies his ysl also offers cheaper product looklive to sell waveform pulse yields calorie tracking tech behind airo needs backing go go gives grandpa lyft with old people oriented dial ride service its boon to the elders who need it the most user ac-q is actually working through post lumonistics 3D printed phone cap forgot to wear one on bone, got the clap in "get shit done" t-shirts flies in message bird saw them out earlier muttering words nervously yet... why were afraid $40M arr. parrots get paid mocking twilio wide winged casting shade announce price war by slashing rate. buzzfeed africa stats... omg digital legit million monthlies means biggest website cape town -> tunis. new incentives mothers birth inside hospitals third cheapest way save lives. six thousand babies that die every day could grow up click omgd links someday airfordable turned profit last refrain hear batch than once profitable metapacket trackers hack black hat painters dangerous we. ...all of that, that was just the first bunch merciful Dalton break us for lunch. squire admire locks curls barbershop quartet not for girls worked at barbershop for the story embarked on path - ol' start-up glory slide layered pill brings back a dream! within multiple labs our bosses elves stacked powders pills to feed ourselves labor conditions cruel unjust humans are to elves as machines are to us. pro-active techmate support is the best hope their potential investors like vests simbi burning man barter skills teaching yoga here may not pay bills your students will clean for you, teach you to ski lace up your L-wire slip you some e. real life robo-cop. sentinel matrix armed sirens flood lights shine faces intruders while floating drone-y props rather get flashed than shot by cops. mentat's logo pentagram fox what a witch of woodlands would carve in rock fill in grooves with blood of calf oh, but don't forget Metat. They doubled by half. raptor ceo rugged boot-wearing jeans hiked talks optimal farming overhead shots potato ultrasound digs data most fries/acre mosaic of companies make up batch nine dozen griffon eggs trembling to hatch lucy alex. couple kids ones who I vouched for, now they pitch replace human tasks with api call uses Teespring? not that I recall. started ava then switch scale alex strong presenter could go whale. immigrating america no flip of switch in fact honestly sounds quite a bitch so with trump dumpster or he somehow gets in simple citizen even more of a win victor ching miso cleanest man in seoul saying a lot cause on the poll koreans average 1.2 cleanings week american kitchens still find ways to reek. imagine world where you never get gas park and truck comes to top off your ass. hop onto yoshi and never go back. latency kills user experience. lat en cykills user sixa fix that. millenials care about issues in fact never vote, since its a physical act vote.org helping young old normal absurd ensure tiny big voice can be heard. starcity aims address housing scarcity $2100 is not cheap requests standing ovation from ashu while we eat odd yellow beacon robotic strange makes construction smartsite which must safe sam says portfolio eighty billion my contribution optimistically one. 'please take your seats' isn't doing trick indignant restless and sick of being told by a bot to sit down continue convo milling around snappy solution jkan on mic says: 'please have a seat and be quiet please have a seat and be quiet have a seat and be quiet have a seat and be quiet thank you' athletic calls out igoudala defense pulled dubs over fence sports writing almost good as this verse makes diehards willing to open purse. lollicam snaps korea show house filters maclane zerodb enterprise dedicated hardware usage hadoop nodes idle disaster secure cloud storage raw unencrypted bloodless coup smoking gun suiteness concerned jimmy eating money yandex automattic wargaming.net names you know! wallarm security thing $100k mrr familiar ring. coub word funny pronounce vid loops 800M views per month creation tools => content oh my green health-fooding work snacks carbs crack craveable driving sales $10M/year serious kale. flutter wave payments across processed poem anymore info nigerian prince red hoodie. seneca systems building goverment oakland san jose revenue $400 a day peter thiel funding hulk hogan explosive asset litigation financing legalist if dancing with the devil, know the steps emote time-out tech kids who act up later behind they can't catch up child penitentiary costs schools $50B fresh ad blockers cause revenue fall noble purpose cointent: ad block uninstalls. usually I x out any tabs forcing choice between paying & ads crowd ai ML from bird's eye view cruising to profitability soon. ray started robby little sidewalk delivery robots. stanford use case: party pull up with shots. record xxxxx xxxxxx breaking xxxxxxx recently hit xxxxxxity come join xxxx revolution. Instrumental helps scientists apply proper grants saving money, giving progress a chance alex and derek are event geeks customers: google uber wondering where to sign up? summary: geek. crane lift sales force tower bleary eyes giggling wobble steel beam that level of service excite? terrify? check HiOperator don't operate high. astronaut nosing tome rocketlit logo ed-tech kids bored of traditional text books won't stay in school rocket lit readers dynamic and cool. killed when guns toys pops they make detectable noise new fire detector for your loft know when things start to pop off. are you under fire, or starting to burn? a whine from the wall will prevent you from churn streamers are dreamers, they want more flow should talk to the fine folk at revlo gamifies viewing hypes fans ample supply, let's 'roid on demand. jumpcut courses feel movies other ways learning="Ambien" boring poet exhausted, nearly snoring. replacing nasdaq first principles finance onechronos swinging for the fences quero dinero stacking each year talking $3M. ebitda to be clear brazil universities need help really somehow reels kelp replacing lab testing cool ass hand-swag So livement: a jersey. a product. a dream In last month have sort of become a real thing call steve dean, 'soriek, aq! polymail has format for you browse relationship histories stack rank amours with ease actually boring e-maily stuff does anyone have any glue I can huff? opsolutely deployments scripts system rules github or aws for deploys don't leave something this big to the boys. people.ai integrates easily ooh lala. look at teal Am-Ap shirts stats ed making money. milli a year. [im dipshit, succophunt, loopsy as fuck, flippant, fuck it ship shit, hell do you want?] ok. back on track back on the smart path gasping start up death march to finish not to diminish this co $11k MRR is just “so” neowize claims personalize. online shopping, what would you recommend? too late visitor already scheduling date on FB, two seconds from closing your page. splits tinderly indicate what user will fuck with in terms of some junk to pick up. mortgage I have one thought it would make me baller lendsnap make monthly payments smaller? I applied, was a no go from almost all banks til my mom co-signed with me. Mom, thanks. sailswail. saleswhale sailswail sellswell cute whale selswel sayolswayol pokemon near future growing fast huge dont be flyin in my drone zone apolloshield applies safety cone knows takeover codes enemy drones self-implode ivan kirigin growth mind grew 12x dropbox 2 short years yes graph positive win 10B edges tracked to begin lack of crowd up front justin kan: 'sit in this hole can you just come down and sit fill in this hole here. ok you did a good job of sitting now be quiet. I'm taking this opportunity to make a snap. whatup snaps. ever seen such a beautiful audience?' fellow serves zesty serve food set revenue young founders figure paul bucheit co. pb. collect med history launchindia coworkingcenter crazy way companies enter new spaces and niches carve out their share optimal pie we slice out of thin air aside qasar whispers with grin something to on deck exvivo kids giggle seem confident take to stage allergy testing these days is a shame. [ call me the wordsmith, the puker of puns, rhyme whore, the ass of the earth under sun ] animal testing is part of the plan to repair relations between beast and man farmer only make hundred bucks a head so are most cows better off dead? g-tracking fracking cutting the costs double habitat loss but is this evil? plenty to offer to energy people. nova credit there. I said it. javascript vidcode pokemon and memes types of code training engaging to teens $15M deals point blank fills bank. bulldozair addresses a construction gap call it a bridge round ||| whyd illest? 3? the third? it's a jambox that looks like a megatron turd. Whyd is the jibble of bibbles my friends sounds like the curve of the earth as it bends. sway has the swag to keep audits at bay take few thousand jobs off the market that's sway. selfycart wants applause largest amusement disney? explode Rose rocket trucking wanders her shimmering trinket beauty find myself squirmingly needing to piss I chugged coffee, water, and tea to stay awake for all this. next? elemeno. yeah. what comes next? pee! dear god of start-ups stop fucking with me. utility score used by zillow and renew 7M api calls only took 3 months to do meesho oh meesho would that I cared about all this lovely stuff you have here prepared ted from work ramp he grilled me at lunch I am trying to chew more, he asked me too much. now I'm squeezing my thighs with my bladder on crunch. sweaty palms vetcove each start up brings pain how many more of these hopefuls remain? proxy office access with your phone wonder when it will roll out to home rigplenish.. pig flemmish? that's it. we're finished! clap. yadda yadda this batch was legit I'm off like a racehorse at the end of my wits. *** S16 had diversity, building trust without compromising on traction or thrust this is esc, poet reporting to dusk.
The undead are a frustrated bunch. They want to let their weary souls rest, and yet the current administration of King’s Landing is bent on preventing them from reaching the magical pool in the depths of the Red Keep where they can drown their misery permanently.
I saw a spider, greenish black and purple in her sheen she scuttled quickly into cracks in walls and in between the universe and two-niverse yet catch her as I tried she always found the creviest of corners where to hide I passed my hand through swaths of web they danced out from my fingers still somewhere at the garden's edge my friend, the spider, lingers.
This essay presents a technique that can be helpful for those with trouble falling asleep, or those who would like to advance their dream practice by achieving an increased awareness of the transition from wakefulness to sleep.
Falling asleep has never been easy for me. My parents were well aware of this fact as my childhood self would make frequent late night trips into their room, looking towards the comfort of their presence as a salve for my fear and insomnia.
My mom is herself a lifelong warrior in the struggle against unwanted wakefulness, and my constant arrival in her and my father’s bedroom at odd hours of the night was a huge nuisance. She was quick to give me a piece of advice that I have been using ever since to help myself fall asleep.
Read.
Grab a good book, slip under the covers, start reading, and before you know it, find yourself reading right off the side of page, your mind drifting into a funky creative territory as your eyes start to droop and your head goes limp.
You snap out of it, determined to consume another page, but you know that for better or worse, sleep is on the way. These little blips in the flow of normal waking thought are called hypnogogia. For someone with problems falling asleep they are a welcome arrival.
As I’m reading my way to sleep, I continue until these hallucinations become overwhelming enough to put my book aside and turn off the light.
This is where my tried and true strategy hits a major road bump - one that I only just recently discovered a solution to. As soon as I set aside my book, my mind goes back into internal dialogue mode. I start thinking about a recent conversation or a trip I want to plan. In this state of mind, the hypnogogia often recedes, and I find myself once again laying awake unable to sleep.
The solution came to me as I started considering what it is about the state your mind goes into while reading that makes it easier for hypnogogia to manifest compared to when you are thinking. When you are reading, your mind is an open, receptive state - observing and consuming information. Thinking by contrast, is a creative activity. You are planning, responding to your own thoughts, and actively generating the next line of internal dialogue.
Thinking aligns the conscious mind with creation. Reading aligns the conscious mind with consumption.
Sleeping and dreaming correspond more closely with reading in this sense. In these states, the subconscious takes the reins of the mind’s creative engine, while the conscious mind sits back and observes. This is explains why it’s easier for the experiential logic of dreams to manifest in the mind of a reading person than a thoughtful one.
This train of logic lead me to a thought(less) experiment which I recommend trying. After you set aside your book for the night and turn off the light - keep reading.
Refuse to let the mind drift into a train of internal dialogue and instead look for the words etched in light onto the blankness of your mental blackboard. If there were anything there to read, what would it be? Once you have read one line or phrase, look for that next word instead of thinking it.
You might find that as you read in the darkness, hypnogogia greets you even more effortlessly than it does during normal reading. It is easier to hold the images, content and sensations of these hallucinations in awareness, observing them and surrendering to them as they shuttle you into the land of dreams.